My life in 2012: A REVIEW

     Well, its been a while, dear readers. The last post on this god forsaken blog was the beginning of 2011. I have chosen to review 2012 because it is fresh on my brain and also this is right now and nobody cares too much about last year and also I "technically" still owe Shelley "money" for her car that I "crashed" so I'm just going to forget about it, as all of you should.
     So, like, what happened? Time is crazy, and stuff. Families are dead somewhere. I came up with a good nickname for Mitt Romney, only after he lost: "Legit Mitt Rom Dawg."Maybe next year, big guy.
     Sports, what's up with that?
     Politics, r u 4 real?
     Weather has been weird in parts of the country says weather.com, so that has been bad for accessibility and other people who are not me.
     The end of the Mayan calendar is upon us and it's funny as a joke but it's not that funny of a joke anymore, maybe 3 out of 5 chortles in the right context. The miserable ones wish for apocalyptic terms, but the funny thing about life is death isn't planned conveniently as such and you're lazy if you want to die in an apocalypse. You're probably begging for death because you're so lazy, and this is funny to me.
     Rushed overview for things I would have reviewed had I been good at doing this:

• Bought a tape player for camping and recording, 3 out of 5 stinks.
• Played the new Zelda game for wii and it was fun but the the controls don't allow you to be human shit in your bed because you have to swing that mother fucker wildly about. 2 out of 3 triforces.
• This old Suburu I've been driving around is a real piece of shit, but it's enduring and I named it CHAMPION. The windows don't roll down because I had to bungee chord them up because they're not on the track and it rains a fuck ton up here and I don't want to smell like mold. I got a flat tire with a dead phone and instead of having a tire wrench there were 7 cans of kidney beans and a tequila bottle full of vodka. Priorities, right? 4 out of 5 golden horse's powers.
• A short while after I moved to the northwest I was walking back from this bitchin' thai restaurant and no more than 30 feet above my head I saw a glorious bald fucking eagle carrying a huge as fuck iguana in its talons. I'm pretty sure iguanas are not natural fauna in the area, so the conclusion I came to is some creepy kid was playing with their stupid lizard in their backyard and a BALD FUCKING AMERICAN EAGLE swooped that shit up and told the little nerd "You're pet ain't nothin'." that was a whopping 5 out of 5 life experiences.
  
  In conclusion, 2012 has been kind of a piece of shit, but instead of sacrificing the human race, the "Mayans" on "MayEnd" are sacrificing "MayTais." See you next time.